Love at First Sight

I've been asked, "Do you believe inlove at first sight?" My answer is "I believe we quickly know at firstsight who we are 'capable' ofloving.” We might later change our mind. For myself, almost 99% of the time I can spend a lunch or dinner with a person and I'll know within as little as twenty minutes whether I could ever even consider this person. And getting to know the person better has rarely changed the way I initially felt. But bear in mind, I'm thinking of my DESIRE to get to know this person better to determine if this is someone I could love or have a friendship with... not to be confused with accurately judging someone's character.

When it comes to figuring out a person's character I am not as accurate. I have been fooled. I can be way off the mark, and have been on several occasions, but I would estimate my initial judgment falls in the 75% to 80 % success bracket.

To get back to the love at first sight question... I think this miracle is quagmired. If someone meets a person of the opposite sex and says, "I think I'm in love" – sometimes what they mean to say is, "I'd really like to have sex with this person." Love and lust are two different things. We all get that. In love, my thinking is for their welfare, being a help to them in their life, thinking of how I can contribute to their happiness. In lust, I seek how they could provide me sexual satisfaction. When we love we have a natural sexual desire for them coupled with a true caring for them. But lust has no conscience or regard for them as a person, only how selfish sexual desires can be satisfied through them.

So do I believe in love at first sight? Yes. Yes, I believe it happens... we know who we are 'capable' of loving right away and sometimes a man and a woman meet and both have this same identical response to each other. Some people call it a 'gut feeling.' Then they continue getting to know each other. Although you can just know immediately if someone is sexually attractive to you, smart and interesting, it takes time to discover whether that person is truly honest, kind, dependable, trustworthy, emotionally available and compatible with you in terms of values, interests and temperament. Sometimes, once we have made the decision we want to get to know this person better, we find out and realize they are perfect for us, and we just cannot imagine life without them. And sometimes we find out they fall into the “no way-no how” category.

I have seen people date for many years, finally get married, and then divorced in very little time. Even after plenty of time of trying to get to know each other, they still were not right for each other. On the other hand, there are plenty of stories of people celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, who met and married in a relatively short time. They just knew.

All I am saying, is that, hey, I’m a believer. It can happen. You might call it fate. I call it God bringing together two who are right for each other and need each other. A miracle!! Two falling in love, who without his intervention, never would of found each other in a million years. If it happens to you, fall to your knees and give thanks to the one above who loves you that much. You have been truly blessed.

Wishing you the Best....Ric

Leadership

Leadership is one of those things you know when you see it. It's a subtle quality. I don't know if I can define leadership, but I know when I've been led.

I know it is important. Every facet of our life is influenced by the leaders we have in our life. We depend on good leadership from our country's leaders, our work-place leaders, our family leaders and the leadership in our past-time activities and organizations we participate in. Poor leadership in any one arena of our life will cause us concern and heartache and problems. Good leadership will give us confidence, high morale, courage and hope.

I demand certain characteristics of the people I choose to follow. If and when I have a choice, I will choose to follow those with ntegrity and Character. This is a deal breaker with me if it is not there completely. I look for a strong sense of "what is right" and a demonstration of ethical practices that sets the tone for others. I look for Courage, the strength to act in accordance with your own values and the greater good despite pressures pushing you in other directions. The ability to put the cause before the desire to be popular. I look for Confidence, a belief in your ability to meet most challenges that come your way. Our best leaders will have Vision, a strong sense of where you are going as a person and where you think society, your community and your organization should be going – and how it might get there. I like to see Enthusiasm, a lively interest in the people, issues and events around you, a feeling of excitement about the possibilities, and the energy to guide them towards fruition.

The most gifted athletes rarely make good coaches. The best violinist will not necessarily make the best conductor. Nor will the best teacher necessarily make the best head of the department. So it's critical to distinguish between the skill of performance and the skill of leading the performance, two entirely different skills.

You need Mental toughness. No one can lead without being criticized or without facing discouragement. A potential leader needs a mental toughness. I don't want a mean leader; I want a tough-minded leader who sees things as they are and will pay the price. Leadership creates a certain separation from one's peers. The separation comes from carrying responsibility that only you can carry. You have heard that it is lonely at the top. This is true. A leader must be able to keep his or her own counsel until the proper time.

Another very important quality to seek in those we follow is Respect. Respect doesn't reveal ability, but it can show character and personality. I look for people whose associates want them to succeed. It's tough enough to succeed when everybody wants you to succeed. But when others don't want you to succeed, it is an uphill battle all the way. It isn't important that people like you. It's important that they respect you. They may like you but not follow you. If they respect you,
they'll follow you, even if perhaps they don't like you. Leaders have a "holding court" quality about them. When they speak, people listen. Other people may talk a great deal, but nobody listens to them. They're making a speech; they're not giving leadership. I take notice of people to whom others listen.

A leader is someone who helps others do and become more than they ever thought possible. Leadership is about unlocking potential, whether individual potential or that of a group, company, or organization. It is not about telling people what to do, but inspiring them to see what they are capable of, then, helping them get there. Leadership is not a formula or a program, it is a human activity that comes from the heart and considers the hearts of others. It is an attitude, not a routine. Blessed is the leader who seeks the best for those he serves.

Take care....Ric

Moochers

I would like to say that I love mankind, but every day it becomes more and more populated by moochers, thieves, bullies, busybodies, liars, fools, and thugs. I am done. I have had it with these people, and I am done.

You have heard me rant on liars and thieves and thugs, but the latest on my list to get the boot are the moochers. It has taken me so long to work this out in my own mind because of a great theological dilemma.

First, let me preface this by saying that I know there are people who really need a helping hand sometimes and I am all for giving someone a break. I believe we must help those that are less fortunate. If you are guided in your life by principles of Christianity, you know you must be willing to help those who come to you for help. It’s a no-brainer for a Christian. “But for the grace of God, there go I.”

But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels [of compassion] from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?

If there be among you a poor man of one of thy brethren within any of thy gates in thy land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not harden thine heart, nor shut thine hand from thy poor brother: But thou shalt open thine hand wide unto him, and shalt surely lend him sufficient for his need, [in that] which he wanteth.

He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.

So this has been my dilemma. Someone comes to me and asks for something, do I give it to them? Do I have one response for a friend and another for a stranger?

I have worked for years downtown Dallas. I go out on the street to walk somewhere for lunch, and everyday some street person asks me for change, or asks for a cigarette. A guy dressed in a suit on the sidewalk downtown is a sure target for these folks.

Just recently a girl in the neighborhood where I live saw me outside and came over, started a conversation, and then she asked if she could borrow a cigarette. “Sure, no problem.” Then the next day, she sees me outside and comes over again. Same thing. Third day same thing. Fourth day, I am not outside and the door bell rings, and it is her. “Can I borrow a cigarette?” “Sure, no problem,” I said. The next day, for the fifth day in a row, door bell rings, and here she is again. “Can I borrow a cigarette?” “No,” I said, “I am done.” “Please” she pleads, “I will never bother you again.” “No,” I said, ‘I am not playing anymore.”

It is a small thing. I could give her a cigarette everyday, and never miss it.

But it becomes irritating to me when someone is just taking advantage of my kindness. In this case I thought nothing of it the first day, but on the second day I was on to her. I tend to act very naïve at first, pretending I don’t realize they are just abusing my magnanimous persona. Shoot, I am renowned for my generosity. But I am mentally taking notes, giving them the benefit of the doubt maybe, hoping they are better people than they appear. But once the jury is in, in my mind, then I am done.

This issue and the dilemma for me is the same whether is it a cigarette or something much bigger. We have known friends who were down and out, in a bad situation, and needed a place to stay. They needed shelter. They needed food. They needed gas. They needed something.

On the one hand, I want to help. On the other I have no interest in supporting their laziness. Why should I enable them to continue is their laziness?

There are different types of moochers. There are those who constantly want to bum a cigarette or something similarly small. There are those who never want to contribute to the tab at the restaurant. We have all seen or heard of those that someone takes in to help out, but then they overstay their welcome. They won’t leave. They don’t get a job. They are deadbeats who outlive the generous hospitality of their friends and family. There are those that borrow money, but never pay it back. And there are the professionals, those with a cause to promote, who could never do it on their own, but have to rely on others to promote or develop their agenda. They seek to convince you that their cause is worthy of your free time.

But what they all have in common is that they just take and take and take. They will take anything for free. Sometimes you feel like they would take a disease if it were free. They take anything and everything. And to them it is a gift. And the good ones, they even smile and say thank you for your generosity.

I have more respect for prostitutes.

The way they usually operate is to play on your sympathy, telling you their hard luck story. They tell you how they are broke, but they need this or that. Maybe it is just $20. Or less. But they do this all the time, over and over. A little bit here from one, and little bit here from another, and a little bit more from someone else. None of the victims of the moochers know about each other. The moochers don’t want one victim to learn of the other victims generosity to them. They don’t want them sharing notes of how much they are giving to the moochers. They get something for free, and then go on about their business, smiling and laughing at what they just got a way with, laughing at the suckers who just fell for their line, and their manipulation.

I work for a living. Many times it involves long stressful hours. I don’t have much, that is for sure. But what I have I came by it honestly. The old fashioned way. I earned it. The last thing I need is freeloading moochers leeching on my wagon.

So, Notice to moochers….and you know who you are….the free ride is over. Please don’t ask me for free money, free food, free place to stay or to come work for you for free. I don’t work for free for moochers.

If you are a moocher, please quit. Quit being a moocher. A moocher is a liar, a thief and a moocher is a thug, in my book. There is no difference. Try being real, a real friend and a real person, a real person of integrity and character. Start acting like a grown person, a person who can walk with his or her head held up high. Shame on you moochers. You are fools.

I have tried my best to be your friend. But your constant mooching has proven you do not want to be a friend. If you are mooching off of me, you are not my friend. It’s time you showed me you do want to be a friend.



He that begetteth a fool [doeth it] to his sorrow: and the father of a fool hath no joy.

Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.

Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.

Ric