Saturday, May 10, 2008

Mothers Day


The young mother set her foot on the path of life.
"Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."
Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed and when they reached the top, they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength."
And with the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God." And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage.
And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."
And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence." Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you...Not time, not space...not even death!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Court Testimony


These are so funny. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "W here am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what we re you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
________________________ ______ ________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Converse


Converse celebrates 100 years in the shoe business this year. Their shoes have been cool for all of my life. Have you owned a pair? Anyone doing anything for 100 years deserves kudos.

Then: In the '70s, The Ramones helped Converse become associated with rock 'n' roll, even though The Beatles and Beach Boys had sported the shoes earlier. Last year, Converse honored the punk pioneers by releasing a line of Ramones-themed Chuck Taylors.

Now: Pop-punk songstress Avril Lavigne is a Converse fan, as is rapper Common, rockers Green Day and Grammy winner Amy Winehouse. Paul McCartney also has been spotted in Chucks; he wore them in a 2007 iTunes commercial.

Television

Then: Punky Brewster was known for her mismatched Chuck Taylors in the '80s, but the sneakers surfaced much earlier on the small screen. Viewers glimpsed Converse in the '50s on "The Donna Reed Show" and "Lassie." "Happy Days," "Northern Exposure" and "Felicity" are a few of the many series that have shown the shoes.

Now: Chuck Bartowski from NBC's "Chuck" wears Chuck Taylors. Other Converse fans: BBC America's "Doctor Who," played by David Tennant; characters on NBC's "Heroes"; and Shane on Showtime's "The L Word."

Movies

Then: Sylvester Stallone trains in black Converse throughout 1976's "Rocky." Peterson cites "Hoosiers" (1986) and "West Side Story "(1961) as significant films featuring Converse. "That was sort of an interesting phenomenon, the fact that they were identifying gangs by their athletic shoes," he says of "West Side Story." "The Sharks wore the black hi-tops and the Jets wore the white (shoes)."

Now: What does the young wizard wear in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix?" You guessed it. The title character in the recent teen flick "Charlie Bartlett" also sports Chuck Taylors. In 2006's "Marie Antoinette," director Sofia Coppola made headlines when she inserted a pair of pink Chucks into her period piece.

Celebrity life

Then: "Gonzo journalist" Hunter S. Thompson was a fan of Converse. His image appears in the company's new "Connectivity" anniversary ad campaign alongside James Dean, the Sex Pistols' Sid Vicious, hip-hop artist M.I.A. and others.

Now: Ellen DeGeneres dances in Chuck Taylors on her talk show and on the red carpet. Other stars frequently seen in Converse: Johnny Knoxville, Natalie Portman, Elijah Wood and Ellen Page.



Have a good day.....Ric