Court Testimony

These are so funny. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "W here am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what we re you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
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And the best for last:
________________________ ______ ________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

Converse

Converse celebrates 100 years in the shoe business this year. Their shoes have been cool for all of my life. Have you owned a pair? Anyone doing anything for 100 years deserves kudos.

Then: In the '70s, The Ramones helped Converse become associated with rock 'n' roll, even though The Beatles and Beach Boys had sported the shoes earlier. Last year, Converse honored the punk pioneers by releasing a line of Ramones-themed Chuck Taylors.

Now: Pop-punk songstress Avril Lavigne is a Converse fan, as is rapper Common, rockers Green Day and Grammy winner Amy Winehouse. Paul McCartney also has been spotted in Chucks; he wore them in a 2007 iTunes commercial.

Television

Then: Punky Brewster was known for her mismatched Chuck Taylors in the '80s, but the sneakers surfaced much earlier on the small screen. Viewers glimpsed Converse in the '50s on "The Donna Reed Show" and "Lassie." "Happy Days," "Northern Exposure" and "Felicity" are a few of the many series that have shown the shoes.

Now: Chuck Bartowski from NBC's "Chuck" wears Chuck Taylors. Other Converse fans: BBC America's "Doctor Who," played by David Tennant; characters on NBC's "Heroes"; and Shane on Showtime's "The L Word."

Movies

Then: Sylvester Stallone trains in black Converse throughout 1976's "Rocky." Peterson cites "Hoosiers" (1986) and "West Side Story "(1961) as significant films featuring Converse. "That was sort of an interesting phenomenon, the fact that they were identifying gangs by their athletic shoes," he says of "West Side Story." "The Sharks wore the black hi-tops and the Jets wore the white (shoes)."

Now: What does the young wizard wear in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix?" You guessed it. The title character in the recent teen flick "Charlie Bartlett" also sports Chuck Taylors. In 2006's "Marie Antoinette," director Sofia Coppola made headlines when she inserted a pair of pink Chucks into her period piece.

Celebrity life

Then: "Gonzo journalist" Hunter S. Thompson was a fan of Converse. His image appears in the company's new "Connectivity" anniversary ad campaign alongside James Dean, the Sex Pistols' Sid Vicious, hip-hop artist M.I.A. and others.

Now: Ellen DeGeneres dances in Chuck Taylors on her talk show and on the red carpet. Other stars frequently seen in Converse: Johnny Knoxville, Natalie Portman, Elijah Wood and Ellen Page.



Have a good day.....Ric

February 29th, Orange's Day

A Special Day


February 29 is a date that occurs only every four years, and is called leap day. This day is added to the calendar in leap years as a corrective measure, because the earth does not orbit around the sun in precisely 365.000 days.


It is a tradition that women may propose marriage only on leap years. So, fair warning if you will. In many places, it is believed that getting married in a leap year is bad luck for the couple. Thus, for a while couples avoided setting a marriage date in a leap year. Today, most are not so superstitious.


Some lucky people have the special distinction of being “leaplings,” having Feb. 29th as their birthday. So was the case with my grandfather, who was known as Orange. Orange was born Feb. 29, 1904 and lived until April 21, 1979. Orange was 75 years of age, but I remember him telling me, “today was his 18th birthday.” He only got to celebrate his true birthday once every four years.


Orange was one great granddad. He loved to take me with him everywhere. He would take me to town when he would go have coffee with his friends. He would take me to work with him, he worked as a carpenter, and he would always bring me to the work sites. He liked all his grandkids, but I was the favorite. I secretly always enjoyed that. He would let me drive, when no one else would. He just had a way about him that made me feel so special. I don’t know if anyone else ever made me feel as special as he did.


Orange loved to have fun. He wasn’t like most stuffy adults I knew. He was always looking to make the most of any occasion. If it was a family gathering, he would rather gather the kids and do something fun instead of sitting around talking with the adults. All of my family says I am just like him. Many times I have been called Orange myself, and when it happens, I just swell up with pride. He was a great guy. And he will always be remembered as long as I am around.

It brings me joy to remember this good man, Grand Daddy Orange, or as his work buddies called him, "Lemon.”


Oh, and the coffee cup. That is how he liked his coffee, always drinking it from a cup and saucer. I always thought it was odd, but now a favorite memory of mine.


Wishing you well, Ric