BS

"The dog ate my homework.”  It starts there.  And for some it never ends, story after story, year after year, making up stories and creating amazing improbabilities, in a desperate attempt not to be caught or to not have to reveal the truth.  And sometimes it works.  I may have my doubts but I hate to just come right out and call you a liar.



Some people just want to be seen as better than they see themselves. The secret truth is everyone has moments of weakness, times when fear and/or greed melt our brains and we’re tempted to say the lies we wish were true. And for that reason the deepest honesty is found in people willing to admit to their lies, or their barely resisted temptations, and own the consequences.



You know them and I do too, those whose jargon hide huge quantities of BS. Their story becomes so unreasonably inflated. Inflated language is a technique of intimidation and bullying. The bet is that if the story is big enough, you will not have enough to call them on it.  This is, of course, entirely BS. To withstand BS you have to have an inner core of self-reliance, holding on to your doubts longer than the BS’er holds onto their charade.



A good tool of BS detection is careful assignment of your trust. Never agree to more than your trust allows. Who cares how confident they are: the question is how confident are you in them? It’s rare that there isn’t time for trust to be earned. It’s not offensive to refuse to take someone’s word if they have no history of living up to it before.



And trust can be delegated. I don’t need to trust you, if you’ve earned the trust of people I trust. Nothing defuses BS faster than a collective of people that help each other detect BS. Great teams help each other call someone on their BS.  I have a big big weakness in this area as I expect people to always be truthful. I will give people the benefit of the doubt.  But eventually the truth comes out.  I feel so let down, disappointed, betrayed and double-crossed when I find out everything they were telling me was just BS.  It is people like this that make me appreciate the genuine people even more. 

Best Wife Ever

I wanted to write down some things here that I wanted to say to you, my darling wife. I just want you to know how much you mean to me.  In case I don't say it enough or show it enough, you should know the feelings in my heart for you.

First, I would do anything to be your everything. I love coming home to you.  I love knowing you are there waiting for me to get home.  I love that kiss when I see you and I love that kiss when I have to go to work in the morning.  Just this morning as I was leaving for work I woke you only to kiss you and say goodbye and you whispered back, I love you too.  That is everything I need to go out and face the day, the boss and the job.  I love how you appreciate that too and tell me so.  I know you give your very best for us, and I am proud to do the same.

I love your smile.  I love to see you happy.  I love it when we both find the same things funny.  We laugh and laugh.  It is one of the best parts of my day to see you smile.  Your smile is one of the things I love the most about you.  I love your eyes.  I can read them so well.  I don't even have to ask, I can see in your eyes when you are in pain and when you are feeling good.  I can see in your eyes when you are excited and when you are sad. Your eyes are the prettiest I have ever seen.

I fell in love with your courage so long ago.  You fight through more pain and struggles each day.  I see you fight through it, I see you try to hide it, and  I see you try to put your best foot forward each day and the courage it takes each day to do all of that is simply a lot.  You are awesome and I know it.  I know how brave you are.  Everyone else doesn't see it first hand but I do.  The battle is hard and I am amazed at your strength, bravery and courage to stand up to the fight day in and day out.

I appreciate your honesty and sincerity.  I love knowing how you are who you say you are.  People everywhere love you so much and I think that is probably the virtue people admire the most about you. I do love how everyone can see that about you. My heart rests comfortably each day knowing it trust safely in you.

I believe is us.  Things go bad sometime.  We have struggles like everyone else.  But there is no one else I would rather have by my side to fight against the world.  If it is us against the world, I am good with that.  I love the battles won together and the miracles we have been privileged with.

I love how you take up for the ones you love.  I see how you are always quick to step up and defend me or any of the kids.  Even if any of us do something stupid, you will find a way to defend us with an unrivaled passion to the world. Your love for us is our strength.

I love your patience and understanding.  You have grown in patience so much since we met.  I love how you talk to me and work with me even when you may be internally so frustrated.  You have grown so much in this area and if this was all I was considering, this alone might make you one of the most amazing people in the world.

I love your touch.  When you hold my hand, touch my face or hug me it renews my strength, it revives my spirit and lifts me up higher than the mountains. There is magic in your touch.  I love it so much.

I love how you love our home and all that you do to make it a wonderful home. And that is a lot.

You are my world.  I do it all for us. And I wanted you to know that.

I don't seek happiness.  I seek meaning.  Taking care of you and us is what gives my life meaning. I know life throws many things at us, collectively and individually, but I will be there you and for us, all the way, as long as you will have me.  I love you.  I love you Michelle for all that you are and all that you want to be. I look forward to growing old with you.

Turning 60

George Burns, who lived to 100, willed a nice slogan to hold on to: "You have to get older, but you don't have to get old."   

50 seems to be when one begins to think about aging (and when AARP gladly accepts your membership); 60 is when it moves into full gear. I have learned life is more like the changing seasons -  Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. I think of 60 as being  in the Fall category.  There is a lot of time left, if things go good. And it is a good place to be.  The green of spring is beautiful, but so are the turning leaves of Fall.  Interestingly Fall has long been my favorite season, with cooler weather, football and the excitement surrounding upcoming holidays.  And I am looking forward to “life” in the Fall season.   

I look forward to making new friends, younger friends, and I will get to watch the younger generation tackle life’s hard questions.  And there can be a degree of enjoyment in offering words of wisdom to those who want to listen.  I will have a chance to break some bad habits, slow down, and try to do things right and not have to beat myself up for not being more disciplined.  And then there are grandkids.  These grandkids fill you up with love and joy.

The real joy of this Fall season... learning to be an optimist. I can look for solutions to challenges, push forward even when things don’t go well, even more so try to understand the power of gratitude.  I feel the pathway to having the best life possible is to embrace where you are at, own the moment, embrace it with gratitude, and look forward to the next step of the journey. 

So here I am at 60?  What have I learned so far?

1.  People who "hate getting old" are idiots. Every year is a privilege. Let me tell you- getting to 60 feels like a triumph. I have no idea how I made it this far, but I am very grateful.

2. Toxic relationships are not worth it. Period.

3. Friends are good. I suddenly delight in connecting with pals from my past, more so than ever before. Sure, I have wonderful friends, but there’s something uplifting, energizing, and meaningful about finding an old friend on Facebook, a friend who knew me when I was in my formative years. If you're not on Facebook, you're missing something.

4.  Romance and teamwork are still alive and well at 60.  Michelle and I can split a whole pie when we want to.  We can sleep late when we have no good reason to get up, or we can be up together before the crack of dawn when we have places to go and people to see. We have learned we are best as a team and we make a very good team.

5.  Control isn’t so important.  Yes, there have been many times I believed I knew the answer to almost everything. I didn’t just suggest solutions; I inserted myself into the solution. Many times I was exhausted, frustrated, and disappointed that no one seemed to appreciate my “help.”  But now, it is like a light bulb went on and I saw the light. Control does not equal happiness. The world operates just fine without my interference. The kids can actually problem solve without me. Teammates can shoot their own game, they don’t  have to do it the way I would. I now say, ”Thank you,” rather than, “Thank you, but….

6.  Just say it.  Take every opportunity to express love and gratitude.  Tell em how you feel. I’ve reached this milestone, so why wait to tell others how I feel? My favorite words: "I love you". And "Thank you".

7.  God is real, God loves us all, and God is faithful to keep every promise to us. Take it to the bank and draw close to God. Forgive people, it is God’s way. God’s way is the way of love. 

I've enjoyed every age I've been, and each has had its own individual merit. Every laugh line, every scar, is a badge I wear to show I've been present.  I look ahead with great enthusiasm if for no other reason than it is true, “I get better looking each day.”  I really do feel good, strong and healthy (except for the times I stand up from a chair and hear my knees crack.) Maybe the truth is this is just a rah-rah speech  to disguise the real truth that I am really standing of the precipice of decrepitude.  It’s easy to forget, amid the pleasures and terrors of everyday life, how it all goes by much too fast, even if you pay attention all the time, and who, really, manages to do that? Hardly anyone. 

I awoke to a throng of Facebook birthday greetings, from people who know me well and other friendly acquaintances. That is nice. Thank you all. Thank you each and every one. Thank you for your friendship and for your love.  And most of all Thank You to my beautiful wife. I am certainly the luckiest man alive to have you by my side every day. I feel good today.