Great Sex

What makes great sex? What keeps the passion alive over time?


In the early stages of a relationship lovers are full of passion and excitement and often experiment with lots of different positions and approaches and explore their likes and dislikes. As they get to know each other better they tend to settle into a routine -- certain preliminaries and a specific way of reaching (or not reaching) orgasms -- with occasional variations. This is a crucial point in a sexual relationship.


Are both partners having satisfying orgasms (not necessarily simultaneous) when they make love? If a couple's routine leaves one partner sexually unsatisfied (and it's almost always the woman), there is trouble ahead. These lovers may confide in their friends that sex has become "boring," but boredom is not the real issue. The heart of the matter is a lack of deep satisfaction for the woman, which robs lovemaking of mutuality and depth -- and may affect her partner's level of satisfaction as well.

Without the deep satisfaction of mutual orgasms, there's a tendency to focus on sexual behaviors that by themselves can seem repetitive and even tiresome. It is boring to go through the same routine week after week if it doesn't culminate in good mutual orgasms.


Conversely, those genuinely happy with their sex life for several years, reveal that at some point they discovered a good sexual finale and continued to use it (perhaps with variations) over time.

But doesn't using the same mutual-orgasm approach get monotonous? Strangely enough, it doesn't. People don't get tired of having orgasms together.


Our appetite for sex is a basic drives that builds up over time. When we've had a good orgasm, we feel mellow and satisfied and our drives are temporarily stalled. When lovemaking is mediocre, our appetite goes down; when the sex is good, our appetite increases. If we haven't had sex in a long time, we are less fussy about the finer points of lovemaking. We can have too much of a good thing: with sex, we get exhausted and sore and our appetite disappears, and we have no desire to make love for a period of time. But the basic drives are still there, and before long, they're back. The kissing, hugging, different positions, techniques, toys, etc., can be great fun, sharpen the palate and heighten sexual arousal, and even boost the eventual level of gratification -- but foreplay activities are a means to an end:; it's the orgasmic finale that really hits the spot. The quality of this final stage of lovemaking is what delivers the lasting physical and emotional payoff. Getting that part right is the key.

Another reason that using the same mutual-orgasm technique can be satisfying year after year is that the feelings lovers experience from orgasms can change from session to session. One of the remarkable things about sex is the potential for great variety within the same technique. Lovemaking in which a couple uses a single mutual-orgasm approach can be hot and lustful, sweet and gentle, loud and raunchy, whispery and quiet, and everything in between. Subtle differences in mood, time of month, level of arousal, positions, pressure, and timing can produce quite different feelings and climaxes. So within the context of one successful approach to mutual orgasms, there can be great variety over the years.


Ric